gnasher | 1495 inbox ✘ hollyheights [ CLOSED ]

[and less cold]

Then see it through. You wouldn't have believed you'd ever get this far, last year.

[He wouldn't even have believed he'd be with Toudou at all last year. If he didn't have the patience and the will to understand Toudou and his feelings better, if he hadn't tried so hard and given him the same effort he does in all their races... this wouldn't be happening.]

...you're so embarrassing.

You're so slow.

[a laugh, but it's not unkind]

It's -- hard. Doing special stuff for someone. It's embarrassing, and awkward. That doesn't make it not worth it.

[ah]

Did I ever tell you Makoto slept through our first Valentines' Day? I know it's just a stupid holiday [no he doesn't] but I planned all this, stuff, for us to do, and made a fancy dinner and went nuts about it... and then it was a complete disaster. I thought I was gonna puke if I saw Makoto ever again.

[He wants to bark back a retort, but he doesn't, because Rin's being entirely too helpful and he needs to stop being such an ass. Not only that, but he realizes this is a sign that he might be trying, but he needs to try harder.

It's entirely worth it.]

--what? [What the fuck.] How does that even happen?

And how did you not kill him after that?

He stayed up all night doing something for StuCo, those paper flowers and chocolates everyone got... [trails off into a grumble, eventually answering] -- I didn't want to kill him, I wanted to kill myself. It's mortifying, when you put all this effort out and it falls flat.

I spent all day thinking crap like, holy shit! He's too embarrassed to even talk to me! We never talked about doing anything, why would the hell would he be expecting this! Holy shit, I went way overboard!

[are you more embarrassed yet]

After we straightened everything out, it was fine. It's really stupid, the whole thing, looking back on it now.

But if I called it quits, we wouldn't have just moved in together.

What's the worst that can happen? You look stupid? You fuck it up? Who cares. You try again until you get it right and he knows how you feel. He deserves it, right?

To feel loved.

[have........ a long, awkward silence................ after all that]

[(because clearly, Makishima is worth it to Rin, too)]

[He's so enraptured in that stupid story that he isn't prepared for the "L" word, and Makishima almost drops his phone before he presses it tightly against his ear.]

D-don't-- say that, as if I don't know it already...! [Another thing that Makishima hasn't quite conquered the skill of: talking to others (aside from Tadokoro) explicitly about how he loves Toudou. HURRY HE NEEDS TO DEFLECT.]

You should have owned up to what you did like you always do, and he should have payed more attention to you! Both of you made stupid mistakes!

Oi, shut up! None of that's the point, idiot!

You're the one that brought it up!

And, it's fine. You know. --not that that happened. But that you made mistakes. It's a natural thing that happens. It's the sort of stuff you learn from.

...I thought you two were kind of like, a perfect couple.

[He really doesn't want to admit that, but it's true. It isn't jealousy, or envy, it's just..... sometimes Maki thinks he could be a better boyfriend.]

You're kidding, right?

[an incredulous noise, which he then realises could be taken as ungrateful. he's not -- he's definitely not, and he rushes to clarify]

I mean, I'm not saying we've got it bad, but no couple's perfect. Sometimes we fight, or don't understand eachother. We get on eachother's nerves or forget important stuff.

[...]

I don't think it's about trying to be perfect, even. It's about trying really hard. Like any sport, y'know? Talent only gets you so far, the rest is what you put into it.

[and both Makoto and Rin put effort in, every day, to nurturing their relationship -- maybe that's why they seem like such a perfect couple, to an outsider]

[Maki may not think he's a good boyfriend; Rin is of the opinion that anyone can get better at it, since he has, in just a short year]

If you never try anything, you won't learn anything about eachother.

It isn't that I don't try, it's just... I don't know.

[He doesn't intend to sound so unsure of his motivation for dating Toudou. At this point there no way he could ever think of their arrangement with any regret. It's just still surprisingly new, and no matter what, everything he does with him needs to matter. This relationship is so important that he worries over the most ridiculous things, even when there's nothing to worry about at all.]

I want to make sure Toudou's happy while we're here. I want this to really count. Before we go back home.

[Before things go back to the way they were.]

I can understand that. -- We're both going abroad when we get back, and everything. Long distance'll be a pain.

[Rin in no way thinks that the end of Holly Heights will be the end of his romance; clearly, he thinks the same for Makishima]

So, what makes him happy? -- Apart from you, that's obvious.

[not said particularly flatteringly, or even as a joke; it's a statement of fact]

[There's silence, as if he's not going to respond until:]

Hills and mountains. Attention. Girls. --if I'm generous, I can cover one of those things.

Don't invite girls onto your anniversary date.

[but then there's a silence as Rin considers, and he eventually comes up with]

Make the day all about him. Maybe he'd like, you know, getting a massage from you, and a nice meal. Bring him somewhere he can show off. Like a karaoke bar or a place to dance or something. End the night somewhere high, where you guys can look out over the view together.

I wouldn't, even if Asuka volunteered. [Especially with what happened during the group date.]

His singing is terrible.

We'll do that then.

Wait, is that what you think he'll want? It has to be you making it special, oi.

Don't give me suggestions and then tell me not to do them.

Don't put no thought into your own anniversary! If you were my boyfriend, I'd kick your lazy ass!

1495 inbox ✘ hollyheights [ CLOSED ]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

1/2

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

1/2

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)