gnasher | 1495 inbox ✘ hollyheights [ CLOSED ]

[a pause, Rin adding]

Oi, we'd take turns cooking. I'm not your mum. -- Or your wife.

If you help me with cooking I'll be glad to take over once in a while. At least until I have a few recipes properly mastered.

[makoto's boyfriend is an idiot. a funny, embarrassing idiot, but for some reason that kind of statement made him really happy.]

[(taking turns cooking, the implied domesticity of it all)]

Besides...

[makoto swings their arms a bit, voice quieting]

Have you asked Gou how she would feel about it...? [hopefully his smile won't be telling that makoto did, he's trying to keep this to himself for a while longer.] Rin, you're always assuming things about Gou. It's alright, but it's not the healthiest way to go around it--perhaps if you asked her, she might surprise you with her answer.

[that being said]

She'll turn eighteen sometime, too.

Haah? Would that make me my sister's wife?

[an unexpected veer off-course; what is Rin going to do, when Gou turns 18? if they're still both here, he'd have to be with her, wouldn't he? would she want him there?]

[he seems to realise what he's just said and flushes]

Not that I don't want to live with you! But, on her own, she might not --

[a pause, Rin seeming to realise that]

-- Ah. Ah... I'm doing it again, huh.

Edited 2015-08-19 01:50 (UTC)

Why wife?

[head tilt. confused look.]

What? Shut up, it's because I just said -- I'm not cooking for you tonight if you keep this shit up!

[he said, sounding.. like a wife...........?]

[makoto sighs, and maneuvers to get his phone out of his pocket while keeping hold on rin's hand and propping the basket closer to his elbow; unlocks it, taps around the screen, and checks text conversations for GOU MATSUOKA]

[he scrolls up, to this conversation, and hands the phone over.]

Have a look.

[and only now, does he let go of rin's hand, so that rin can take the phone.]

Edited 2015-08-19 01:58 (UTC)

Huh? [he takes the phone, though he keeps talking, thinking this is probably just another cat picture to calm him down, which is a gambit he fully understands, but doesn't mind becoming subject to] Asking Gou something like that would be a mistake, wouldn't it? She'd say she was alright with it even if she wasn't...

[Rin isn't blind to the fact that his sister has a history of taking one on the chin for his happiness; he doesn't feel good about that history, and constantly enabling it]

[however, what's on the phone is not cat pics, and a complicated sort of emotion passes over his face seeing what it is. it's not quite as severe as betrayal, but it's a kind of off-guard, annoyed look]

You -- you asked her...?

[and she said "i'm kind of surprised you hadn't already..."? that didn't seem like taking it on the chin at all, did it?]

[but Rin keeps scrolling, and a careful hope starts to peek through, until]

You talked to my sister about us doing what couples do?

Just... keep reading, okay?

[Makoto receives a look not for the faint of heart, and does as instructed, until he reaches another bombshell]

Do you think he'd understand I'm not "pure" better if i had a boyfriend! What the fuck, Makoto!

I can't control what your sister asks... or says, you know... I can only try to diffuse the situation to the best of my ability...

[Rin is definitely getting too worked up to be next to labels that display cute bunches of spaghetti feeding families of four and stereotypical Italian chefs; colour rushes to his face in a mix of agitation and embarrassment, seeing this glimpse into how Makoto and his sister talk to one another]

[he eventually reaches the end, and shoves the phone back at Makoto not very gently, despite the overall good news; that Gou wouldn't mind living with them]

I know she's not a kid, and I don't think she's, pure, either! Don't just make shit up! Neither of you knows what you're talking about!

[a huff, and untethered and peeved, Rin starts making his way down the aisle again forcefully]

Rin--

[between makoto shoving his phone back into his pocket and readjusting himself after rin basically scolding him, the other has already got some distance on him.]

[makoto sighs again, and follows, impertinently, because he doesn't want this conversation to once again remain unfinished.]

I'm sorry if it's not true, but we never actually finish our conversation about this and what it would be like to live with Gou, with us as a couple. I'm left to assume you're worried about her purity, or something like that, or maybe think that you think we're embarrassing? Rin... hey, wait up!

[makoto might look a little Hurt]

[after a few more feet (hello ramen noodles, goodbye ramen noodles), Rin runs out of steam, and allows for his boyfriend to catch up with him. he's bailed on this conversation before because he was unsure, and now he's bailing because he's mad, but in each case -- he's left Makoto in the dark. he can't be angry at him, for drawing his own conclusions]

...I don't think we're embarrassing. You don't get it.

[which sounds cutting, but he goes on to clarify]

After my dad died --

[words that don't belong in a supermarket, for sure (but then, didn't they talk about Australia for the first time, in the Happy Tomato?)]

-- things changed with us. You're not just, a brother, anymore, after something like that.

[too young, he had to step up in ways he never had before -- and even knowing better, then failed to continue doing so, lost without his dad in his own ways]

I've been really selfish with her. I haven't, done anything, right. I don't want to make her feel like... she's unwanted, or, getting in the way, or just along for the ride. I don't know if I'd be able to, be myself around you, with her around, too. [and with an aching kind of truthfulness] She got one thing right, I guess. I'm, kind of, uncomfortable, with it.

Edited 2015-08-19 02:42 (UTC)

[he's glad rin's stopped, and he knows he should expect something like this--but the force of it, disguised in a topic he knows is always just under the surface, which is too delicate to talk about... it catches makoto by surprise.]

[a surprise he manages to settle into slumped shoulders and a downwards gaze, hesitantly going for rin's hand again, to offer comfort, support, a steadiness he can probably only provide by simply being there despite his obvious lack of understanding at being stuck with such a role. big brother that makoto may be, he doesn't have to be a stand-in father for ran and ren.]

I'm not going to pretend I can understand exactly what that is like... but I can understand now why you feel the way you do with Gou.

[it wasn't just moving to australia and leaving her be for years; it was the father they had lost, the imbalance in their life.]

Maybe -- practice will help? If we're always sneaking around, it makes it seem like it's a bad secret that we're keeping from her. You heard her when she said she was happy for you when you told her you like guys, so I don't think she'll feel uncomfortable seeing us kiss or hold hands sometimes. --working with Gou, I've learnt that she's very understanding.

[but it's not so much about gou feeling uncomfortable, it seems.]

You'll... grow used to it, too, I think. Her being there.

[this is when makoto offers a small smile, sincere and honest, nothing subversive in it or his words.]

We don't need to move in together here if you want to patch things up with Gou differently. I'm happy the way we are now, and I want you to stay happy, too.

[Rin's despondent for a few moments, obviously turning a few things over in his mind]

[eventually, red, sincere eyes peer from beneath sullen bangs]

I don't think standing still is how people stay happy.

[a big difference, maybe, in their upbringings; Makoto always trying to replicate sameness to keep Haru happy, Rin always chasing after the future to keep himself happy]

...And I don't want to be cowardly about either of you. I want to move in with you, and I want to get closer to Gou. If -- if moving in all together is really alright with her, and you, it's me who's holding us all back. Like you said. I, need to grow used to it. ...Her. Us.

[his hand is suddenly tight in Makoto's]

Sorry for getting mad. I know you guys are friends, and you can talk about whatever.

-- And I know she's not a kid, or naive. She's smart. That's why I always feel like I should, I dunno, be careful, with how I am around her.

Not so tactless, like I am with my boyfriend, yelling at him in the pasta aisle of Duper Shoppers.

It's a good thing you have an understanding boyfriend.

[makoto's smile grows now, because he likes what rin says--the conclusions that rin makes on his own. it definitely feels that perhaps, now, this is something they can plan towards and, while uncertain, they can approach it with some level-headed understanding that it might not be the easiest change at the start.]

It's not wrong to be protective of Gou, but I really believe that in time you two will grow closer. If you're ever afraid of something, you need to try telling her about it. She won't love you any less.

[and now his smile is silly]

We could do grocery shopping together, and cook together. Ah, hm... spring cleaning together... that sort of thing...

[and like the pull of the moon on the tide, Rin is swaying gently forward, taking a light hold of Makoto's shirt. he loves being grounded by Makoto, with his calm voice and silly smile and, all jokes aside, always-patient understanding. he loves being supported and advised on how to grow and change alongside his phenomenal sister, whose already made her mind up about this move, anyway]

[Rin presses a gentle kiss to Makoto's jaw, soaking up his space more than the touch itself, really, feeling something in his stomach unclench]

[mumbled, though with honesty]

I love you, even if you're apparently just using me and my sister as company for chores you don't wanna do. -- Let's move in together.

[and a few ticklish-inducing kisses are feathered at Makoto's neck]

Edited 2015-08-19 04:52 (UTC)

[makoto giggles, unable to contain himself, especially with rin pressing feather-light kisses to his neck and closing the distance between them; making decisions so serious at the supermarket, and still being able to joke about it, with a quiet reassurance that they'll work it through together--not just as a couple, but also rin and gou, as a family.]

I can't believe we've made this decision at the store...

[he plants his hand firmly onto rin's side, pulling away a bit, if only out of embarrassment at the public display of affection (deviants...)]

When? Soon? Or should we wait a bit...?

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